“Nobody’s perfect” I like to imagine that in the voice of that old geezer’s iconic last line in Some Like It Hot. Well it’s true, nobody is perfect but you can be a perfect client. It’s satisfying knowing one can achieve greatness in at least one arena of our lives.

Despite the instinct to be charming and sweet to make a professional swoon, this only goes so far. Every providers expectations and desires are different, so the easiest way to guarantee you’ll make a good impression is by following their instructions and not being demanding their time that is undoubtedly limited.

Let’s break down a few easy steps…

READ THEIR AD: I’m talking the whole thing. This will likely cover all your questions and offer a clear way to contact them.

SKIP THE LONG INTRO: well, this is all depending on one thing. Did you include all the information your provider has asked for in their ad? If so, extra details and a warm introduction are always welcomed. Otherwise, we don’t care about your height, hobbies or what your lineage is. We just want to know that you’re safe and ready to make a date.

CHECK YOUR SCHEDULE: Do this before contact. When you provide multiple times and dates along with the information they request in their ad, it works like an instant aphrodisiac. Not only is it efficient but you look like a power player. Nothing hotter than a concise client who doesn’t waste time.

PAY FOR TIME: All of it. If you are deviating from a providers set contact requests, and would like more time to talk, offer a donation. Any professional would appreciate this gesture and love to give you more clarity or flirtatious foreplay via text before an appointment.

EARLY BIRDS ARE ANNOYING: Don’t show up early to your appointment… nobody likes being rushed. Any good provider wants to prep themselves and their space properly and rushing them can really make the sweat beads roll.

BE CLEAR ABOUT PAYMENT: Always check to see what payments are accepted by a provider before arriving. When dealing with cash, be sure to set it on a visible table top before your session starts.

ASK ABOUT BOUNDARIES: It’s sexy and shows you care.

FOLLOW HYGIENE REQUESTS: Did they ask for a covid test in their ad? Do they want you to shower at their space before a session? Follow their requests with no questions. And I’m positive they could do without that extra douse of cologne you think you needed.

AVOID THE L-BOMBS: Unless this is part of a clearly communicated fantasy or kink, it’s best to avoid the love bombing. Not only will it not work, but it can be offensive. Many of us have full love lives or are satisfactorily single. Comments about taking care of them or that you “actually” love them can come off presumptuous. As if our marginalized profession makes us incapable of finding that kind of security. This is simply not the case.

DON’T PRY: A lot of you are very curious and given the intimate nature of the exchange you just found yourself in, it can seem that guards are down. That is not the case for professionals. It’s important for us to keep boundaries and unfortunately a crucial part to our survival. Even if what you are asking isn’t threating to our security, it could just be flat out uncomfortable. So it’s best to ask little things and let a provider lead with how much they are willing to share.

IXNAY ON THE IFEWAY ALKTAY: We don’t want to hear you complain about your wife. It can be triggering and is just a flat out mood killer. Go see a therapist.

ENJOY THE CONTAINER: I personally love a sweet text after a session. But when it becomes attached to an expectation of an ongoing conversation, the afterglow dulls. Once you’ve enjoyed a session, cherish it, show your appreciation and leave it at that. All providers have phones that are constantly dinging. Don’t add to the din. But if you absolutely can’t help yourself, tips, donations and gifts help. But only a little. Don’t expect these things to make you entitled to limitless contact.

Basically listen and don’t get greedy with time and emotional output. This will likely make for an energized and loving provider. So yeah… go reap the benefits of being a “perfect client”!